


It's Magic

by hhertzof



Series: How I Met Your Unicorn [2]
Category: How I Met Your Mother, The Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 01:12:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1623692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhertzof/pseuds/hhertzof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take one goat, add a generous helping of Barney Stinson. Presto.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Magic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zelempa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelempa/gifts).



> I'd like to thank my wonderful betas: paranoidangel, fox1013 and karanguni.  
> This fic is a crossover with Diana Wynne Jones' Chrestomanci books and has a companion story told from the side of those characters at http://www.yuletidetreasure.org/archive/64/aunicorn.html
> 
> Written for zelempa

 

 

April 25, 2009

_And now, kids, we have gotten to the story of the goat and my thirty-first birthday._

**We've heard that before.**

_No, really. April 25, 2009. The day your aunt Lily dumped a goat in the apartment. Despite no longer living there._

Why did she bring it there, instead of taking it home to Dowsetropia? Well, that's the story.

As you may remember, your aunt Lily had brought the goat into her kindergarten class for a lesson, only to have the drunken farmer traumatize the kids in her class by describing just what the butcher would be doing to her. Feeling guilty, Lily bought the goat and packed him into a taxi. It was only then that she thought to call Marshall.

"Down, goat." Lily sat beside the goat in the taxi, and found herself with one hand on its forehead, trying to keep it from eating her clothing while she speed-dialed Marshall with the other. "Hello? Don't do that!"

"Don't do what, honey?" Marshall asked, sounding rather confused.

"Not you, the goat." Lily's exasperation with her struggle to get the goat into the cab filtered through.

"What goat?" Marshall paused. "The goat that you had visiting today?" He checked the clock. "Isn't school over for the day?"

"It is. But Farmer Frank was drunk and he told the kids that she was going to be cut up and sold right after he left so what could I do but buy her? I've called the Animal Rescue people; they'll pick her up on Monday, but we'll need to keep her over the weekend."

_The thing that Lily had forgotten, was that Marshall's parents were coming into town. She was only home for about 15 minutes when it became clear that having the goat there really wasn't going to work. The goat had knocked over Marshall's beloved Darth Vader clock (thankfully it hadn't broken), eaten one of the curtains, and left a big heap of droppings on the living room floor._

Lily fretted at the goat as she cleaned up, "You have to behave. I can't have my in-laws coming over and finding a disaster in the living room." Probably not having a goat at all would be best, but it wasn't as though the goat had someplace else to go. "I can't bring you back to Farmer Frank. He'll just sell you to the butcher and you'll be turned into goat kebabs. You don't want that to happen, do you?" 

Finally admitting the goat had won, she gave up trying to keep up with her, as she seemed determined to wreak havoc on her apartment. She grabbed the goat's harness and her purse, and dragged him back downstairs. Ted could watch the goat until after the dinner. 

After another struggle, she got the goat into another cab and gave the cabbie directions to Ted's apartment, hoping she had enough cash to tip him well. The trip was relatively uneventful and Lily was able to keep the goat from nibbling at the seat belts. However, Ted was less happy to see the goat than she had hoped. 

"You can't leave _that_ here. Even if you were still living here, you couldn't leave a goat here." 

"Please, Ted. Marshall's parents are coming to visit and we can't have him tripping over a goat. You know what Marshall's family are like." 

_Marshall's family adored Lily, so it wasn't so much that she was worried about making a good impression, except that she _was_. Lily was in awe of Marshall's mother's skills as a home-maker - Lily herself was no slouch in the kitchen, but Marshall's mother would intimidate anyone. Martha Stewart had nothing on Judy Erikson._

I wasn't happy about it but when your aunt Lily brought her over, but there wasn't exactly anything I could say about it.

So there we were. My 31st birthday. The day I woke up to find just what that goat had done in that bathroom.

**I thought that was the day _after_ your birthday. Wasn't that what you told us when you told us about your 30th birthday?**

_No, it was Saturday, April 25th. Your uncle Marshall's parents came in, so they threw me a party on Friday night instead. Which brings us to Saturday morning and the goat..._

Ted stumbled into the living room half awake. He had planned to sleep late after the party his friends had thrown on the roof the previous night, but there was an infernal banging coming from _somewhere_. He rubbed his eyes blearily and studied the living room, before realizing it was coming from the bathroom. The goat. Now he remembered. After the party had ended, he and Marshall had tried, without much success, to get the goat down the fire escape. Fifteen minutes later, Lily finally noticed what they were doing.

"Why don't you just take her down the stairs to the elevator?" she asked. "We brought her up that way."

Ted remembered feeling embarrassed about overlooking the obvious solution, but after another thirty minutes of pushing, pulling, nonsensical advice from Robin and Lily, and ultimately having Marshall lift up the goat and carry it down the stairs, complaining all the while that the elevator didn't go up to the roof, they had managed to get the goat back into Ted's apartment for the night. They had said good-night to Marshall and Lily and he and Robin had both stumbled off to their own beds, leaving the goat in the living room, and reassuring themselves that they would deal with it the next day.

The goat. In the bathroom. Ted reached over to try the door and discovered that it was locked. How had _a goat_ managed that? He made a feeble attempt at breaking down the door, before he was interrupted.

"What is that banging?" Robin said from behind him.

"The goat. Is locked. In the bathroom." Ted rubbed his face again, and abandoned the door. Coffee was what he needed. Coffee would put this into perspective. He headed into the kitchen to turn the coffee pot on.

Robin, after assessing Ted's hungover state, returned to her bedroom for her Swiss Army knife. It didn't take her long to realize that she didn't even need it. This was one of the child proof locks that you could open with a toothpick. Extracting the one from the knife, she inserted in the little hole, and was happy to hear the click. As she opened the door, she yelped.

"What do you think you're doing with that towel, goat?" Robin tried to grab her towel, but at her first step into the bathroom, she slipped on something and fell with a curse. "That had better not be what I think..." Robin stopped as she realized that what she had assumed was goat urine was pink and smelled of flowers. It took her a moment to remember that it was her rose-scented body wash. She surveyed the bathroom, using the sink to pull herself up carefully. "Oh. My. God. Ted, you'd better get in here. Or better yet, get this goat out of here so that I can wash this off. And get me some clean clothes." It might look and smell like body wash, but there was clearly other less pleasant substances mixed in, and she was not at all happy about it.

Ted took one look at the bathroom, and the expression on his face turned to horror. Locked in the bathroom, the goat had clearly found means of occupying herself that he didn't want to think about. Judging by Robin's reaction, clean clothes were the first priority, so he pushed and she pulled and together they got the goat into the living room, before he went into Robin's room to get her something to wear.

While Robin took the shower, he and the goat stared at each other balefully. The goat would move its mouth towards something, as if to take a little nibble, and Ted would say, "No!" in his sternest voice, and then they would start all over again. This wasn't the way he had planned to spend his 31st birthday.

By the time Robin emerged, dressed neatly, and, Ted noticed, having made some effort to clean up the bathroom, he had worked himself up into a fury. Reaching for the goat's harness, he started half dragging, half pushing the goat towards the door and into the hallway. "I don't care what Lily wants. You're not staying in the apartment a moment longer. "

"But Ted, he's so cute." Robin's nonchalance startled him. After all, she was the one who had just slipped in the mess. And she was the one who loved to hunt.

"After what he did in that bathroom, I never want to see him again. He can stay up on the roof until Lily's rescue people show up." Ted glared at the goat before putting his hands on her rump and starting to push it towards the elevator. "How did you get this thing up on the roof anyway? Not up the fire escape."

"The same way you got it down last night," Robin said as she came to stand in the doorway. "Lily and I got him up to the top floor in the elevator and then up the stairs. And you are not going to leave that goat alone up there. He'll be lonely and hungry and Lily will be furious with you."

"I don't care if he invites all of his goat friends for a party. I just want him out of the apartment." Ted was now absolutely furious and it showed. "Here, Robin. You love the goat so much, even after what he did, _you_ can take it up to the roof."

"Fine." Robin made no move to actually take the goat; just glared back at Ted

"Fine." Ted turned on his heel and slammed the door, leaving Robin and the goat in the hallway. 

Sighing, Robin decided she couldn't leave the goat there, and started the inevitable pushing and shoving needed to get the goat in the elevator. While Ted had been yelling at the goat, she had felt compelled to defend it, but now she was just annoyed. She just wasn't sure if she was more annoyed with the goat or with Ted.

She watched grimly as the elevator doors closed. "Couldn't you have tried to behave? Ted's a nice guy most of the time. If you'd made the effort, I'm sure he would have come around. Instead you had to go and wreck the bathroom. You should have known he wouldn't like that."

The goat just stared at her.

"I mean it. If you had met him half-way, I'm sure he would have let you stay. Instead you're going to be stuck on the roof alone all day," Robin sighed as the doors slid open and she contemplated getting the goat up the stairs. Moving the goat was much easier with two people involved, she decided.

"Come on. Up the stairs with you." Instead of its usual reaction of just standing still, the goat had started to wander off in the other direction. "Don't you dare." Pulling and tugging didn't work, so she finally got behind it and pushed.

Forever. That flight of stairs seemed to take forever. Two steps forward, one step back. Robin kept up a steady stream of chatter, more for her own benefit than the goat's. Finally, after what seemed like and eternity, but was probably closer to twenty minutes, she was edging round the goat to push open the door to the roof, the glare of the sun making her shield her eyes for a moment. "Here we are, Missy. Your new home. At least for the moment. Eventually, Ted will calm down and you'll be allowed back downstairs, I promise."

She moved over to a sheltered spot and waited for the goat to follow. "It's just you and me, goat. Not that I'm objecting, mind you. You're not bad company...for a goat.

To her surprise, the goat looked at her and grunted.

"It's not as though I have anywhere else to go. My job downstairs doesn't start until after 7pm and I'm tired of just sitting in the apartment all day." She sighed. "Not that MacLaren's is a bad job. Better than that giant hot-dog costume." That had been a nightmare. Especially after the others had found out. She wasn't sure she had forgiven Barney for some of the double entendres he had come up with. Trust him to turn an innocent job into a disaster.

Robin continued, telling the goat all of the things that she didn't feel she could tell her friends. "It's not that I want my old job back, but this isn't what I planned to do with my life."

She was so busy talking that she didn't hear Barney when he walked up behind her. "Robin?"

Her head swung around and she stared at him as though he was a total stranger. There had been some complicated explanation about why he hadn't made Ted's birthday, but she had been somewhat drunk when she heard it, and she hadn't paid much attention.

"Ted said you were up here...with a goat?" He sounded dubious, even though he could see the goat right in front of him.

Robin giggled. Never in her wildest dreams had she expected to be making this introduction. "Barney, meet Missy. Missy, Barney." The goat let out a loud "baaah". 

"Pleased to meet you. I think." Barney offered his hand, though it wasn't clear if he expected the goat to shake it or sniff it. He looked over the goat's head at Robin. "So is there a reason you've chosen goatly companionship over the pleasures of your own kind?"

"I...," Robin started but she was interrupted. 

"This is a five thousand dollar suit, you stupid goat," Barney glared at the goat, which had eschewed his hand to nibble daintily on the cuff of his sleeve.

"What can I say?" Robin couldn't resist snarking. "He has good taste in clothing." She expected more of a reaction...akin to Ted's explosion earlier, perhaps, but instead, Barney was just being his usual self.

"Leave the goat, Robin. Come with me. We could smoke cigars and play laser tag. Can your goat do that?"

"If it can, I'm not sure I want to find out." Robin had to admit that sounded like a better plan than spending the day on the roof with a goat.

"You know you want to. Cigars. Laser Tag. Ted's busy. I could use a wingman. Please," Barney wheedled. He continued, elaborating on the pleasures that awaited Robin if she left the roof and the goat, and came out to play with him. God, he was charming. Even if he could be a pig.

Finally, cursing her susceptibility, she agreed. "On one condition. I promised Lily I'd keep an eye on the goat. It should be okay up here, but I'll need to come by at lunchtime and feed it. What do you feed a goat anyway? Besides five thousand dollar suits," she added, feeling more cheerful than she had earlier. Barney could be fun company, especially when he made the effort.

"Purina goat chow?" Barney neither knew nor cared. But if it made Robin happy..."Okay, Robin. You can feed your goat. But it isn't coming along with us on our adventures. And _you_ need to suit up," Barney commanded. As much as he liked Robin, there was no way he was going to put up with looking at that outfit all day. Sweat suiting up wasn't going to cut it. Not today.

"But this is comfortable," Robin whined, though she knew she'd lose this argument. As cosy as this outfit was, it was bound to be inappropriate for whatever Barney had planned.

Barney just grinned at her, and laid his hands lightly on her shoulders. Gently he pushed her towards the door to the stairs. "No arguments. Down you go. I'll make sure this beast is fastened properly and meet you down there shortly." He pushed Robin through the door and closed it with a sigh of relief. He thought he'd never be able to get her off the roof.

Now for the hard part. The goat. Which wasn't a goat at all. At least it hadn't reacted as badly as he'd expected. "Now I don't know what brought you here, but I won't have it. We're natural enemies, you and I." He looked the animal directly in the eye. "And Robin isn't your sort either, so don't get any ideas. And even if I were prepared to let you into my group of friends, which I am not, this isn't your world. There's hardly any magic here." Almost none at all. He'd always hid his own talents behind stage magic and nonsense. "Before you know it you'll forget what you were and believe you had always been a goat," Barney instructed. "I think the best thing is to get you back to your home dimension as soon as possible. And out of my hair." He paused thinking he heard something, but decided it was just the noise of the city.

He studied the goat for a moment, before pulling a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and muttering a spell. A chain appeared in his hands and he fastened one end to the goat's harness and one end to the handcuffs, before saying "Now I can't let the others know you're really a unicorn. They'd never let me live it down." It was rather ironic. The great Barney Stinson having to rescue a unicorn. "And at the moment it's more important to distract Robin than to deal with you." Priorities. He'd spent the last few months watching Robin slip into a funk and he'd decided to do something about it. He wasn't about to leave her alone with a unicorn. Who knew what sort of strange ideas it might contaminate her with.

"This will keep you from wandering off to parts unknown and prevent anyone who wants to capture you and use your talents for evil from making off with you." There were a few of those around. "Once Robin's job starts, I'll slip up here and find a way to send you home. But you can't tell anyone. That would ruin my reputation." 

The goat just stared at him. Clearly, in its current form it couldn't say anything to anyone, but he wasn't about to take that risk. When it got home, who knew what it would say to its kindred, or to the local wizards and sorcerers. He did have friends in some of those other realms, and who knew what _they_ would think if this got around.

He started towards the door, but a thought struck him. Turning, he made a gesture and pulled two sheets of newsprint from the air and folded them into bowls. Another spell made them waterproof, and he filled one with food and one with water. Magic did come in handy sometimes. Pet stores were not on his agenda for today. "Just in case we don't get back in time." He had no intention of disrupting his date with Robin to come back and feed the goat.

Whispering another spell to fix his sleeve, he straightened his shirt cuffs and with a wink at the goat, walked over to the door and down the stairs. No one in this world would have the power to undo that spell. The unicorn would be fine until tonight.

Meanwhile, after an exhausting day of showing Marshall's parents around the city, Marshall and Lily had returned home to find a series of irritated messages from Ted on the answering machine. In each one, he was a little bit more annoyed that they hadn't called him back. It wasn't their fault. The Eriksens had insisted they leave their cellphones at home because this was a "family day", and Judy Eriksen was passive-aggressive enough that Lily had given in. There were more important battles to be fought on this front, and Lily wasn't about to waste her energy on a minor battle like this.

They attempted to get a hold of Ted and failed, so leaving Marshall's parents talking on the phone with one of Marshall's brothers, they rushed over to Ted's building. Rushing up to the roof, Lily pushed open the door with surprising force.

"I can't believe _Ted_ left my goat on the _roof_ all day. I should report him to the ASPCA." Lily was furious. She'd been ranting about this since they'd left their apartment.

Marshall made a move to comfort her. "There, there, Lily-pad. He was very upset on the phone. What that goat did to the bathroom...." He patted her shoulder and led her over to where the goat was chained. 

Lily took one look at the goat and burst out, "I bet Missy hasn't had anything to eat all day. I knew it was a mistake leaving her here. We should have brought her home with us." The shreds of Barney's makeshift bowls were almost invisible against the texture of the roof. "Are you alright Missy? Ted could have at least given you a blanket. It's sort of chilly up here." 

Marshall moved over to examine the chain, tried to pull apart the handcuffs, and then did the same with the chain links, but in both cases met with failure. "Since when does _Ted_ of all people have handcuffs? Barney, yes, I'd expect that of him, but _Ted_?" He let go of the chain with a very audible clink. "And the way Ted was talking on the phone, he just brought him up here and left Robin to watch him. Where is Robin anyway?" 

Lily frowned and reached over to pet the goat. "I'll call her." She dug her phone out of her bag, and speed-dialed a number. "Robin, it's Lily. Ted said you were up on the roof watching the goat. Where are you?"

Silence on the other end of the line, and then Robin blurted out, "Oh, no. I meant to come back and feed her at lunch time. Barney persuaded me to go off for a game of laser tag and one thing led to another." Lily frowned. She didn't think she wanted to know. "Oh, _Barney_ ," was all she said.

Marshall looked at her with a slight grin on his face. "I knew it. I knew those handcuffs weren't Ted's."

Really, Marshall didn't have to sound so pleased with himself. "Well, tell him to get his butt over here to unlock the goat. That's the cruelest thing I've ever seen." Lily was absolutely furious now.

"He what?" Robin was equally furious. "Barney."

Lily could hear bits of conversation - Robin being angry and Barney being his usual obnoxious self.

Finally, Robin said tersely, "We'll be there in fifteen minutes," and hung up.

Lily closed the phone with a click. "They'll be here in fifteen minutes, Marshall. Or so Robin says." She still wasn't thrilled with either of them, but she blamed Barney more.

"I don't believe Barney," Marshall exploded. "Handcuffing a poor innocent goat like that." He paced furiously.

Lily shrugged. She was no less angry, but she couldn't help saying sarcastically, "Oh, it's just typical Barney behavior. Doesn't care about anyone but himself." Making an effort to calm herself down, she sat down beside the goat and started petting her. "It's okay, Missy. The bad man will be here soon to let you out." As if the goat were one of her students. "And if he doesn't, he'll answer to me," she added fiercely. 

"We'll make him free the goat. That's all there is too it." Marshall said tenderly. "Barney has to understand that he can't get away with stuff like this."

"Marshmallow, I'm glad I have you. You care about this goat." Lily said running a hand up his arm. "And I love you for it."

"I love you too, Lily-pad." He grinned at her and squeezed her hand as he sat down beside her.

The sat that way, talking softly to each other and the goat. Time passed almost without them noticing it.

Until Lily looked at her watch. 

"Where is he? It's been at least an hour. If he doesn't come soon, you're going to have to break the lock." Her calmness shattered, Lily started getting annoyed again. "I don't believe him. This is just so typical. Does that man care about anything but himself?" She continued to rant until her train of thought was broken by the slamming of a door. She looked up to see Barney and Robin.

"How dare you? I should call the ASPCA on you. Leaving that poor goat up here alone all day. Who knows what could have happened to her." She went on, listing grievance after grievance.

Robin turned to him and glared. "I didn't think you would be so unfeeling as to chain the goat up. God, I don't know why I trusted you. You don't think of anyone but yourself."

Barney frowned at both of them, making the expected motions to defend himself, and knowing he would lose the battle. It wasn't as though he could tell them the truth, and to be honest, he had no interest in dispelling their illusions, after all the time he'd spent building them up. Better that than the _truth_. 

When Marshall joined the fight, Barney decided it was a good time to give in ungracefully, so he did so. There was no point in dragging this out too far.

"Get over there and unlock the goat this instant," Marshall ordered.

Barney was quick to obey, with a dismissive, "Fine, fine. You could have just asked, you know. It's not as though I'm unreasonable." Even if he was, sometimes. He walked over to the wall and made a show of pulling the key from his pocket. Turning away from them, he quickly muttered the unlocking spell as he turned the key. With a showy gesture, he undid the handcuffs and turned back to them swinging them around one finger. He left the chain attached. It would make the goat/unicorn a _little_ more docile, and that might help with his plans.

He continued twirling the handcuffs as he walked over to the door.

The other three followed, Lily leading the goat. "Maybe we can give her to the Central Park Zoo," she mused. "Especially if Ted won't have her back in the apartment." It was clear they didn't have any place to keep her before the animal rescue people could come. 

"That's a great idea," Barney replied, overenthusiastically. He reached for the chain that was still connected to the goat's collar. "I'll just run her over. No need to worry yourselves." 

"As if we'd trust you," Lily said fiercely holding the chain away from him. 

"Fine, we'll all go," Barney said reluctantly. He opened the door and gestured them all through. The goat balked but he glared at it, and to his surprise, it obediently started down the stairs. Following, he added, "I know one of the keepers there. Boobs like you wouldn't believe." It couldn't hurt to lay it on a little thick. 

"Of course you do," Robin said acidly.

Ooh, he'd hit a nerve. Not that he'd ever let Robin know how he felt about her, but it was nice to see her jealous occasionally.

But that seemed to mollify Lily slightly. "Can you call her? See if we can bring the goat over today?"

"Will do." It wouldn't hurt to be accommodating, and getting the goat over to the children's zoo would probably be the easiest way to free her. He started to formulate a plan.

Barney made a show of calling up the girl, wheedling and apologizing and explaining about the goat. In truth, he thought he did an excellent job of acting like he had to persuade the woman at the other end of the line to let him bring over the goat today. Especially since there was no one at the other end of the line.

He hung up and nodded at them. "We can bring the goat over now." Not that anyone would see it or that the zoo would even know it was ever there.

"Good," Lily said and they focused on getting a cab that would hold the four of them _and_ the goat.

The ride was uneventful, though Barney kept up a light chatter. Misdirection had always been his favorite tool. The cab dropped them right by the zoo, and Barney paid for it without argument or discussion, letting the others get ahead of him. This gave him a chance to place a glamor on the goat so that no one would notice her.

Catching up, he grinned at them, before going to have a quick talk with the ticket seller. Child's play, pretending to be arranging to bring the goat in, when no one even saw it. Once they were inside, Barney led them to the goat pen. This was sympathetic magic, and it would work best if they thought they had accomplished their task.

They reached the goat pen, and Barney knew this would be the tricky bit. Wandering over to one of the keepers on the pretense of talking to them, he murmured another spell he'd set up in the cab. A distraction spell of sorts. They wouldn't forget about the goat, but they wouldn't be thinking of her either. And they wouldn't ever think to come back to see her.

"I've taken care of it," he said, a little carelessly, absently slipping the chain from Lily's fingers. Why don't you two take a look at the birds? They have a lovely collection." It was just that easy. He watched as the three of them drifted off , Marshall and Lily holding hands as they walked towards the aviary, and Robin, in the other direction. Finally.

His first task was to cast an aversion spell on the goat pen. It was subtle enough that the visitors would just turn down other paths rather than coming to see the goats. Thankfully, no one in this world had enough magic to notice any of these spells.

He smiled as the visitors to the goat pen started wandering off and the keepers found other things to do outside of the pen. Starting small, he cast a spell to reveal the goat's true nature, only to have it fail. A few more spells, none of which worked.

Barney frowned and studied the unicorn. He tried a more powerful spell, and there was a flare as though it almost worked. Trying again, he poured more of his power into the spell. And he felt something. There was another brief flare, that flickered and died, and he lifted his head from the goat to stare at four children, two boys and two girls, who calmly stared back at him. If there was anything he liked less than animals, it was children old enough to be annoying but too young to appreciate his particular brand of charm.

"How did you...? Oh, never mind. Unicorns don't belong in this world, and I imagine you four don't either. Are you here to take her home?" He wasn't sure why someone would send children to do this, but perhaps they couldn't find any other virgins. Not that the unicorn seemed to have a problem with _him_.

"That was the plan." One of the girls blurted out. "Maybe if the four of you work together you can free her. Otherwise, we'll have to contact Roger and Julia's dad."

Two of the children looked uncomfortable at this comment, so he had to assume they were Roger and Julia. The names rang a bell. Weren't Christopher's children called Roger and Julia? Which would make the other two Janet and Cat, his wards. Somehow, during all the time he'd worked as Christopher's agent in this world, he'd never met the children. But he had heard rumors of their talent.

Carefully schooling his face, he asked, "And what about you?", mostly to keep them talking. The girl, Janet, had come from this world. He remembered what a fuss there had been when _that_ had happened.

"I'm from this world. I may live with them now, but I have no magic of my own," she said, confirming that these were those children.

"Fair enough." Barney grinned engagingly at them. "I usually prefer not to work with children or animals, but this is clearly a special case. On the count of three. One. Two. Two and a Half. Two and three-quarters. Two and seven-eighths." He suddenly noticed them glaring at him and quickly said, "Three." Aw. 

The four magicians focused all their energy on freeing the unicorn, and it looked like it was working. The goat's outline wavered and reformed into the shape of a unicorn. Slowly the outline solidified and there it was. A unicorn in Central Park. 

Barney looked at it with pure distaste. "I trust you'll be leaving soon." Unicorns. Not his favorite creature.

"Do not fear. The children and I will leave your world soon. We just need help reopening the portal. My powers are weak in this world." The unicorn might have been smirking, if unicorns could smirk.

"Where is the portal?" asked Julia. "Or can we just leave from here?"

"There are several in Central Park," Barney answered. "I believe the nearest is in the _Enchanted Forest_ \- a better name than most people realize." And one of the reasons he had chosen the zoo in the first place. He led them out of the goat pen.

"Won't people notice us with a unicorn in tow?" Julia asked thoughtfully.

"In Central Park, hardly. You'd be surprised at what you can get away with in this city." Still, Barney looked wary. "On the other hand, even if my friends won't see the unicorn, I do have a reputation to maintain." And being seen with children wouldn't help that.

"We saw them by the aviary," Cat offered. At Barney's glance, he added, "We've been tracking her all day."

"I thought I heard something, up on the roof. That was you kids?" He sounded torn between annoyed and impressed. They were about to start up the Lily Pad Walk, when Barney made an abrupt turn. "I should have known." Marshall and Lily were clearly visible on the path that lead to the Enchanted Forest. "We can take the long way around."

The zoo wasn't very big and before they knew it they were in the Enchanted Forest. Janet and Julia made a face at some of the bigger insects, but they followed Barney's lead.

He led them to a secluded alcove. "Here we go. I'm not sure how to open it though." He hated admitting he didn't know something, but then he'd only been studying _real_ magic for about ten years.

The unicorn aimed her horn at the portal. The area went all blurry, but then it cleared up again. "I am sorry. My powers are weakened here, like Cat's."

"Now what?" Cat asked. "Things seem a little clearer now that you're free, but if you can't open the portal, I won't be able to either."

"We'll have to summon Chrestomanci. It's the only way. His magic is different from yours." Janet said thoughtfully.

Barney was a little surprised that Christopher's wards used his title instead of his name, but he didn't say anything. Best if that information came from their guardian.

"And my magic hasn't been affected, so maybe Dad's hasn't either," Julia added. 

Janet stared at her. "So why hasn't he shown up?" Usually he appeared the moment someone called his name.

"We're on an alternate world. You have to call him three times," Roger explained before Barney had a chance to say anything.

The four children looked at each other and as one said, "Chrestomanci. Chrestomanci. Chrestomanci."

Barney was almost relieved when he showed up dressed in a dove grey morning suit rather than one of his outlandish dressing gowns. Not that he didn't admire the bathrobes, but they really _weren't_ appropriate for an afternoon in New York City. He grinned at the other man. "Christopher. Of course. And these are your children." He managed to say that with almost a complete lack of distaste. They seemed tolerable children. For children.

"They are. I'd ask what they'd been up to, but it seems rather obvious. Can you handle whatever disorder they caused on this world? I had best get the unicorn home before it causes any more disruption." Christopher grinned back.

"You know him, Dad?" Roger asked.

"We've known each other about... five years or so now. He's my agent on this world." Chrestomanci explained easily.

"They've been remarkably discreet. Even my friends didn't spot them, and I've been trying to shake one or the other of _them_ all day." "There are times I wish I could be open about this, but they'd never believe me." It was frustrating sometimes, but he also enjoyed maintaining the illusion he had created.

"I understand completely." Chrestomanci's eyes twinkled. "Give me a hand here. It will be easier to open the gate with the help of someone from your world."

To the children's amusement, they both dusted their jackets and straightened their cuffs with identical motions before opening the gateway.

The moment their world appeared on the other side the unicorn jumped through lightly.

Christopher nodded at the children and with a chorus of "Thanks," "Thank you," "It's been swell," and "Thanks for your help," they followed the unicorn through. 

Christopher grinned and shook Barney's hand. "I appreciate this. Talk to you soon."

"No problem," Barney said as Chrestomanci stepped through the portal. "It's been legend...." The portal closed on his last word, so he finished it to the empty air, "...dary." Grinning, he turned on his heel and with a jaunty step he turned to make his way out of the Enchanted Forest, only to find Robin staring at him with wide eyes and a disbelieving expression.

"I did not just see that," she stuttered. "I did not...."

"You didn't," he said lightly, as though he were lying badly. He could cast a spell, fade her memory. He could, but why? Just once, it would be nice to be honest with her. Perhaps she would be able to handle it. If she couldn't, he could deal with that.

"You just..." she stopped and he couldn't tell whether she had wrapped her mind around it or not, but then she started laughing hysterically.

He leaned against a tree, and waited, finally offering her a handkerchief to wipe her eyes with.

"The great Barney Stinson just rescued a unicorn," Robin finally sputtered.

"Well, I wasn't about to let it hang around here. It could damage my reputation," he replied dryly. Deflection was his stock in trade, after all.

"Yeah, it could," Robin said. She studied him as though she were relieved he was acting like this was no big deal. "And we can't have that, now, can we?"

"Certainly not." On an impulse, he offered her his arm. There would be questions later, he was sure, but his friends were used to him doing outrageous things, and in time, perhaps, they would accept this as just another outlandish Barney story.

To his surprise, she leaned into him as they walked out of the Enchanted Forest, and he couldn't help grinning. Despite having to deal with a _unicorn_ , this was turning into a pretty good day.

 


End file.
